Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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