Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
