why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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