May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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