the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
