It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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