i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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