I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
