chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
