You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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