dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
