Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
