It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
