I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
