I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
