Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
