I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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