mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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