I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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