Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
