just come out here and I will go home with you...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Green mimosas i think yes
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
