why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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