Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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