Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
