hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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