Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
