i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
