i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
