She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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