Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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