when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
