butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
