I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
