I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
