Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
