I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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