You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
