Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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