And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
