Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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