I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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