Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
