when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
