my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
