A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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