i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
