she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
