I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
