So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
