Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
