Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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