So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
