I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
