I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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