I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
